Before you know it you're scarred up with memories you can't get far from. And far from is only a half song away from
Getting back in that moment, the pain went but it always comes back again
An we try to pretend, block out the noise with some friends and pump the music so loud that we get lost in a crowd of melodies and similies that are similar to being free
But once the song ends your back here once again
So maybe this time we'll use a drink or some green seeds
Tryna clear my garden with some pure and untouched weeds, pun intended
But the rain will come an wash it away
And when you come back in the morning only one thing will stay and that's. The memories
how it feels to be used, how it feels to be a tool? a constant fool, somebody's inanimate, object
to have no prospect in anything above being appreciated for my physical, my visual presence seemed to be eminent in my very acceptance, this was reflected in my lack of confidence, and this was obvious to any predator of a human that crossed my path, and by human nature, we ended nowhere fast,
To be, young, dumb and naive, that was me,
to see every word as genuine, call me overdosed on oestrogen, i fell for every single sin painted with good intention
never learning my lesson, i lost my worth in giving others all i had and more, for free
the more i fell, the more i saw gateways to happiness and hell in the next ones doors, only to find the same anti climax i just endured, i was looking for love. a reason to be, a reason to live and feel free. a blanket of security to wrap me in stability
leaning on a shoulder that didn't see me, for me. Want me for me,
my rivers flowed toxic, i became immersed in this exotic expectation, and presentation of a person i was anticipated to be
until i realised that just wasn't me, my reflection radiated pain, i went insane, tryna remain in my safe terrain of being this girl who plays the game
knowing my spirit burned, and yearned to find a better place, so i had to let go, of guilt, self pity, being a Walter Mitty and come back to life, back to reality. i am a sinner, searching in vain.
How deep does it go cos every now and then it gets that bit easier to show, to overcome and let go, not use and abuse as an excuse to be cold
But then the guards fly straight back up and then you're back in these 4 walls with no calls and no laws to stop yourself breaking and taking every bit of experience to shield against this emptiness that continues to form, the memory of losing it all
To lose your worth is to lose your hope, to be used, abused and spirituality choked, i warn you brothers
if you strip your queens of their dignity you will crush your nations soul